Corrections please!

If New York Chief Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly thought his participation at the Fordham Law School's alumni luncheon on March 3 could be a low-profile visit, the angry group of students and activists - demonstrating outside, demanding his resignation - would soon remind him of the unpopular stance of his department among the city's Muslim annd civil rights activists.

Si Le Commissionaire En chef de la police de New York Raymond Kelly aurait cru (past conditional) que sa participation au dejeuner de ceremonie d'anciennes eleves de l'Ecole de droit Fordham le 3 mars pourrait etre une visite de profil bas, le groupe furieux d'etudiannts et d'activistes - demontrant a l'exterieur, en demandant que sa resignation - lui eut cru (past anterior) bientot la position impopulaire de son department parmi les Musulmans de la ville et les activistes de droits civils.

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EducatorPermalink Reply by George Hunt on November 26, 2012 at 2:21am

You are probably going to need someone with a better feel for the language than myself (ideally a native speaker perhaps) but I will try to point out the mistakes (if I am right) I can see.

Si Le Commissionaire En chef de la police de New York Raymond Kelly aurait cru (I think it is just croyait as his belief is concurrent with the commotion outside -the english text doesn't say "had thought") que sa participation au dejeuner de a la ceremonie d'anciennes d'anciens eleves de l'Ecole de droit Fordham le 3 mars pourrait (pouvait) etre une visite de profil bas discrete (I am not sure if de profil bas is used like that), le groupe furieux d'etudiants et d'activistes - demontrant qui manifestaient a l'exterieur, en demandant et demandaient qui exigeaient que sa resignation demission- lui eut cru rapellerait bientot la position impopulaire de son department departement parmi les aupres des activistes Musulmans et les activistes de droits civils de la ville.