Discuss and learn French: French vocabulary, French grammar, French culture etc.
It is a parody on bad and awkward poèmes d’amour.
Nevertheless it is a parody it has to have sense and follow poetry rules, such as syllable count and stress.
I think all these points can be improved, so you may help me to do it.
Je vous aime trop
Je vois vos yeux
dans le ciel!
Ils sont la Lune
et le Soleil
La seule chose dont
j’ai peur c’est de –
"Ils sont la Lune " would have to be "Ce sont la Lune...." anyway.
Not sure if you could use "ma belle 'demoiselle" (maybe a bit of a joke as it is also a kind of fish_
Don't ask me for poetry arrangements. I don't have that in the cupboard....
It's a nice poem. If you didn't say it's a parody I didn't think it's one.
to have sense : yes the whole poem has sense.
it's easier to say "ma belle demoiselle" and it's more usual. But "ma belle mademoiselle" is right. And with demoiselle or with mademoiselle, there are 10 syllables.
count syllable : 1 - 3 and 4 have 10 but 2 has only 9.
que j’fixe! sounds odd. But the idea and the sense with soleil - lune and eclipse are very good.
thank you guys I appreciate your assistance
You are quite welcome.